Two Beasts

two beasts
entertaining this bloody ritual
claws into flesh
teeth into skin
making fission of our bodies
our passion: a power plant
lets make and destroy
create and employ
the fires that burn within us
we’ll boil the primordial ooze
we’ll be the gods of ground zero

This is not typical for me, I suppose

I told a group of people who are now quite close to me once that the worst feeling I’ve ever felt is watching someone in pain and knowing I am the source of that pain. I haven’t thought about these things until recently. My life was thrown off track and I seem to have ignored quite a bit. Five months of my life doesnt exist anymore, and I still haven’t faced that fact. I’ve never come to terms with the person I’ve become. December 9th 2007 I could have told you who I was; I could have told you that I was ok with myself, content. But now my skin feels like a coat too small, even for me.

I suppose this is how transitions are made. We live our lives then muddy them up, then wash them clean again. We cannot maintain that clarity; we lose it. Nothing stimulates eternally, not pain, not pleasure, nothing. We need constant reminders of what is good and what is bad because inevitibly we forget.

Recently I remembered what is good and also what is bad, but unfortunately they came packaged in one confusing pill, a pill I intend to keep taking.