Stopclock

The night before
an hour long death:
I am counting down the minutes
and any second now
it’ll hit me.
I will soak in these moments
till the cloudy waters of idleness
prune my skin.
And my flesh will fall off
as I try to hold on to this instant.

Nemo 1

     You have one look at her, one glance, that is at least non-pessimistic. It’s not optimistic by any means, but at least it isn’t pessimistic. It’s merely a judgment: “That girl is very attractive,” you think. Then your higher brain cuts in. “She is a lesbian.” There isn’t even a ‘probably’ in the sentence. At this point, it has happened too many times for you to even entertain the possibility that she isn’t a lesbian. It only takes a matter of milliseconds to identify a rainbow colored bracelet on her wrist, and that’s the end of it.
     You do pretty well for most of the night. You manage to ignore her, and the few times you can’t ignore her, you don’t suffer all that much. But something towards the end of the show changes that. You notice she is looking at you. Even in the frenzy of the pit, while you are being tossed about, you feel this slight uneasiness. You say to yourself, “she isn’t looking at you, she’s watching the whole event, and you just happen to catch her eyes looking at you a few times. It isn’t anything to worry about.”
     Towards the end of the show, you are thrust from the pit backwards. You accidentally knock someone behind you. You do a half turn and realize it is the girl. You move forward as if to say “sorry for bumping into you” but in your head your are nearly proud. You make a mental notch on your bedpost. This is your “love em and leave em.” This is as exciting as it gets for you. You are celebrating your conquest when you feel a brush up against you. It is not a simple touching of skin, but a nice lateral rub with plenty of surface area. There is elbow and forearm, and maybe even a little breast. You do another half turn and are shocked. It is the girl, and she has just rubbed up against you. There was no one behind her to push her; she was outside of the pit. She did this on her own.
     Now you are dissatisfied. There is ambiguity. You try to recall clues to her sexuality. Was the bracelet really rainbow colored? Or was it just colorful? The other girl she was with, did she show her any signs of affection? Was there any nuzzling? Did the other girl even look like a lesbian? What about the guy she was with? Was he her boyfriend? Was he just a friend? You continue to question, and you begin to doubt your instincts. That night you sleep uncomfortably thinking about this girl. She has done what every girl has done to you. She’s made you frustrated and sad, and she’s made you want to go back for more.

New Stuff

So, after not updating or visiting this blog for a while, I started to debate whether or not I should delete it and move it to another website. I know it looks like I am not doing much, but believe it or not I’d like to expand, and WordPress just does not offer that capability. I haven’t decided what I will do yet, but I do have some new and sort of old stuff for posting. I don’t know who has been reading this, but my dashboard stat things says this has been getting more views these past few days. Given that, I will actually update with some stuff. For those of you who are reading, I welcome your comments and what not.